“Someone in the room says, ‘it’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch.’ This sounds to me like a very dangerous assumption. I’ll bet you anything that while you’re watching a quiet one, a noisy one will f**king kill you!” – George Carlin
…while I have plenty of blogs bookmarked (most of them about knitting), I had never really given much thought to creating one of my own. I never really thought I had much to say. Not much to say that anyone would want to read anyway. But then it occurred to me that it might be a therapeutic thing to do, and that maybe it doesn’t matter if anyone wants to read it or not. It also occurred to me that maybe if I decided to start a blog, and actually write about things like the fact that I have bipolar disorder, and that my life isn’t all fairy fluff and rainbows, and that having a mental illness really, really sucks, but that it can be pretty damn hilarious sometimes, it might help me (and cost a lot less than seeing a psychologist twice a week). And maybe, just maybe, if there is someone out there who is hurting so profoundly that it feels like their spiritual eyeballs are being carved out with a psychic knife, and it helps them feel not quite so alone, even better. Then I started thinking, what if I write candidly about things that make others squirm (but educates them at the same time)?
So, born of those thoughts, here is this blog.
So as not to overwhelm you (and make you want to close this page and delete your cache and never come back ever, ever again), I will just start by saying that I have bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder with mixed episodes. What that means is I get manic and depressed AT THE SAME TIME. This is about as much fun as falling into a large pile of fire ants. BUT, in addition to having bipolar disorder, I like to knit, I like roleplaying games, I have a masters degree, I enjoy reading, I can kick your butt at trivia contests, I am a big Star Trek geek, I have a completely soft heart (and soft head) for cats, I like to go fishing, I’m a Seattle Mariners fan, I’m pretty good at working on computers, and I like math. Those are just a few of the things that have a lot more to do with defining me than my illness. At the same time, I’m owning my “crazy”, because a mental illness is simply part of who I am. And society wants to call me (and others with mental illnesses) crazy, so I’m stealing the label back. I’m here, I’m nuts, get used to it. Or something like that.
This blog won’t just be about having bipolar disorder, though. That would get really boring really quickly, and there are so many other things to write about. So if this has piqued your interest, please check back in the future, and I’ll be writing about some of those other things I mentioned too.