So What’s the Point?

In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.  — Albert Camus

If you’re going through hell, keep going. — Winston Churchill

I am in my late 30s, and I sometimes think that it is the tenacity, penchant for playing devil’s advocate, sheer stubbornness, or whatever you want to call it, that has kept me alive for this long.

Having struggled with mental illness since I was 8 years old, and a strong family history of it that has profoundly affected my perspective on just about everything, I have still come to realize that that “invincible summer” exists within me.  I have also come to remember how much writing, both fiction and non-fiction, I did when I was younger, and how cathartic an experience it was.  I suppose I stopped because as I got older, I listened too much to the critics and began to believe that I really didn’t have anything important to say after all. (Isn’t it amazing how when we are in our early 20s, we think we know everything, and yet the aspersions of others can discourage us on such a deep level that we don’t even realize it’s happening?  Or maybe it was that I, as I’ve always been and probably always will be, was simply too sensitive.)

At any rate, I am finally reaching the freedom of being at that magical age where not giving a rat’s ass (as my dad always used to say) has replaced giving  too much of a rat’s ass.  Actually, now that I stop to think about it, who really would want a rat’s ass anyway? Maybe I better rephrase it this way: if you would like to read and comment with criticism, great, especially if it’s constructive. I might even read it, think about it, ponder it, consider it, acknowledge it, and use it to try to improve my writing.  If you want to post how much I suck, more power to you as well.  No longer am I interested in letting the opinions of others dictate whether I will keep writing.  (Although I truly would appreciate it if you could explain why you think I suck).

I had originally intended this to be one of those “About Yourself” things, but I was never very good at those.  It seems a bit difficult to sum up a complex life (and all of us have lives that are complex, and meaningful, whether we realize it or not) in a few paragraphs.  So if you want to know what the point is,  please read a few blog entries. You should be able to start to get an idea.

Peace out, and all that stuff,
Mary

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